counting TO 110

I made a deal with MACE - I have to be 120 lbs by December 2007 or else Dinner at Dad's, coffee spree at STARBUCKS will be charged on my paycheck.

Aside from the deal being a threat to my paycheck, I want to feel good about myself , something significant happened that triggered this desire to revamp and overhaul my life.

Ambitious dream but I believe It's feasible if only I have the determination to do so.

All the teasing, humiliation, judgments, being look down by other people because of my weight was not enough drive for me to really push myself to loose weight. Well aside from I always have hypothyroidism to blame, I don't get easily affected by how other people think I respect their opinion.

I believe that If I care about what you say that means you're important to me, but If I don't then that clearly means "you're nothing but a second rate trying hard copy cat" hihihi.

I just said that I'm not easily affected blah blah blah... But when I do care It's major. I think I'm getting old hahaha.

But this time my mind is set to do radical changes with my life and loosing weight is part of the plan.

I've made the first step by going to the doctor and had a follow up check up for hypothyroidism . I'm under medication. The doctor recommended that I go on fasting or I should remove rice, sugar on my diet. Hard super hard.

Well I actually started changing my diet last year I've eliminated pork, chicken, beef in my diet - they call people like me pesco vegetarian. Some local celebrities like Iza Calzado and Yasmien Kurdi follows the same diet.

I have plans, targets and the right motivation to achieve this goal so ROCK ON. I'm so excited to post the before and after - this is my "must" portion when I watch make-over shows.

Okay, okay - I was humiliated, betrayed, stomped on like a trash, and for the first time in my life I felt worthless. But I know that I'll be doing this mainly for myself and not anybody else.

Ciao

DEPRESSION

Jealousy leads to Depression.

Pls. pls. I pray to thee
take out the jealousy inside of me
too much for me to bear

I can't stand it anymore.

Universe please help me.

Struggle Struggle.

APOLLO C. QUIBOLOY: FALSE PROPHET?

I'm interrupting our regular program to give way to this post :D. Kidding aside , I've seen this guy , but didn't took the time to listen to his preaching. I guess the whole shouting "sermon" is not for me. But i found a very interesting-alarming if its true post about this guy. http://kuyakevin.blogspot.com - for more information.

“Pastor” Apollo C. Quiboloy: False Prophet

I’m sure many of you have seen this guy on TV. I’ve passed by his channel (the ACQ Kingdom Broadcasting Network) a few times, but haven’t paid to much attention until recently. They preach, read Bible verses, and sing worship songs, so I thought this was just another Christian channel.

I decided to take a closer look and was a bit surprised. The first strange thing I noticed was that he called himself the “appointed son of God” (this automatically raised a “red warning flag” in my mind). I listened to his sermons a few times and couldn’t figure out what in the heck he was talking about. Two things were clear to me: this guy is teaching some weird stuff, and he really likes to talk about himself. He quotes just enough Scripture to make people think he’s the real deal. He’s not.

I decided to look at his website and see if I could read about his beliefs. Even though the website says, “the Kingdom of Jesus Christ,” it’s pretty obvious that Christ is not the center of his website or ministry. I was appalled when I read one of his sermons.

Prozac, anyone?

Quiboloy really thinks he is the son of God, appointed to this position on April 13, 2005 (if only they’d taken him to see the psychiatrist on the 12th). Here’s what he claims (quoted directly from his website):

"So when He (Jesus) was there on the cross, He finished the work which was given to Him, which was to bring about the spiritual component of salvation, which was rejected by the Jewish people. But now, the continuation has come upon us. A body has accepted the spiritual component of salvation.

The work that the Father sent the Son of God in the Jewish setting to do was to defeat, dislodge and take away from Lucifer what had been taken from our first parents-the kingship and the sonship. He did that, and that's why after the resurrection, all power in heaven and on earth was given to the Son of God.

The Son of God in the Gentile setting is now the completion of the Father's work of salvation. Without the fallen Adamic race receiving the highest honor of being the Appointed Son, there would be no salvation."

Confused? Don’t worry—I am too. It sounds spiritual, but it is a bunch of nonsense, written to deceive. I think I can explain in simple terms what he is claiming. Quiboloy is claiming that Jesus was the Savior for the Jews, but he (Quiboloy) is some type of physical incarnation of Christ for the Gentiles (Gentiles=non-Jews; us). Because of this, Quiboloy is the model for salvation and we all need to follow him. Here’s another quote from the same message:

"Salvation has finally come to its focus, which is the fallen Adamic race. And I am your model for that, being the Appointed Son."

Jesus’ Warning about False Prophets

As stupid as all of this sounds, there are apparently a lot of people who believe his holy baloney. We should not be surprised by this. Jesus told us plainly that many false prophets would claim to be the Christ:

Jesus told them, “Don’t let anyone mislead you, for many will come in my name, claiming, ‘I am the Messiah.’ They will deceive many.”
--Matthew 24:4-5

Just as Jesus predicted, false prophets have come, and people are falling for it.

The Son of God in the Gentile setting?

Let’s quickly analyze Quiboloy’s message (quoted above), comparing it to Scripture.

Quiboloy claims that Jesus was sent to the “Jewish setting,” but he is the son of God for the “Gentile setting.” Even a casual reading of Scripture directly contradicts such bizarre notions.

A study of the Gospels reveals that Jesus Himself ministered to the Gentiles. He healed a Samaritan Leper (Luke 17:11-16), discussed “living water” with a Samaritan woman (John 4:1-26), healed a Roman Centurion’s servant (Matthew 8:5-10), and healed a Greek woman’s daughter (Mark 7:24-30) just to name a few. Jesus was the Jewish Messiah, but He revealed Himself as the Savior of all mankind. We Gentiles do not need another son or savior—Jesus has already come!

The ministry to the Gentiles continued with New Testament church. Philip preached to Samaritans (Acts 8:4-8) and Peter preached to Gentiles (Act 10:34-48). Paul was called to share the gospel to the Gentiles (Acts 13:46-47) and called himself the “apostle to the Gentiles” (Romans 11:13). Quiboloy’s claim to be salvation for the Gentiles is about 2,000 years too late!

God’s Curse upon False Preachers

The Bible gives stern warnings about those who preach or follow a false gospel. Notice that even Paul himself (an Apostle) said that he did not have the right to preach a different gospel:

Let God’s curse fall on anyone, including us or even an angel from heaven, who preaches a different kind of Good News than the one we preached to you. I say again what we have said before: If anyone preaches any other Good News than the one you welcomed, let that person be cursed.
-Galatians 1:8-9

Quiboloy has his own TV station that broadcasts to thousands. I simply want to do my part to warn my readers through my weblog. Don’t be fooled by the slick television programs—this man is under God’s curse! Do yourself a favor and skip his channel.

Please pass this article along to others so that they will also be warned.

BANDIDO - emo post.

Original posting Sunday, August 05, 2007.

Bandido

EDIT: After carefully reviewing every lines, consulted my heart and mind, analyzing my life right now I decided to not share every details of what happened between me and bandido.

I called him bandido because he stole my heart. No he did not became my boyfriend and yes there was a phase in my life that I was going gaga over him. I have struggled for 9 months my heart was scarred although healed the stitches in my wounds is still visible and once in a while it bleeds but I no longer shout, scream to release the pain but instead I take a kneel and pray to God for strength.

The relationship that we had was pure friendship I was the only one foolish enough to fall for him. Now that friendship's nowhere to be found. The love I had for him turned into hate. I went through denial, anger, acceptance and finally letting go.

It was a very unforgettable experience not what I have envisioned my first love would be but still I'm thankful. I believe that everything that happens aside from it having a purpose has already happened and what I have now was memories.

A friend once said that the problem was me being indecisive that I really don't know what I want in life. But with bandido I was dead sure that he was the one. The first and only thing that I was so sure in my life but I can't have.

Well now I'm afraid to say that the feeling of love and hate is gone but replaced with nothing. I can talk about him without feeling anything. It's a tragic death of my feelings for him. I have mastered the art of transparency meaning a person can be right there in front of me but I can ignore him and make it seem that he's not there.

Although its tragic and I would have wanted to hate him instead of feeling nothing but I guess the pain he caused made me numb.

If a person becomes nothing to me it means he doesn't belong to my world anymore sure I would still talk about him, once in awhile i mention his name because he was part of my life and as much as I want to erase him I can't.

But it will be dull, lifeless and it would be NOTHING.

Some say I'm bitter I say I'm better because I have learned to forgive him, myself.

What I'm doing now is called SELF-PRESERVATION.

Peace out.

REVIEW

http://nostalgiamanila.blogspot.com/

I'm born in the 80's,awkward years 90's, teenage years double 0's.

But I love the music of the 80's and I was excited to know that someone is blogging about the past. It helps someone reminisce and enjoy something that was now actually a thing of the past.

Visit the site enjoy and bring back those wonderful memories.

Teen trades hacked iPhone for new car

Big round of applause for this 17 year old kid who hacked and may I borrow the term used in the article : divorced Apple iphone and AT&T. (see full story here http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070828/ap_on_re_us/odd_iphone_unlocked)

I've been a big fan of iphone and how i have been wishing that it would be launched here in the Philippines earlier than the originial date which is June 2008.

Hmm.. I could 'prolly try calling that whiz kid and ask him to sell an "open-line" iphone. (joke - halfmeant).

How I wish that I could do something breakthrough as what that kid did so I can reach my goal of earning 500 thou. But I'd still want it to be legal, don't want to be messing around with other's people business-literally.

Right now I planned to continue blogging and hopefully profit from it by publishing ads.
It took me months to really decide which blog host to keep, I end up with Blogger it was easier for me to login because it has the same un and pw with my gmail add (zucchero.me@gmail.com).

I am being honest by saying that aside from the fact that writing is my module, my sweet escape from the hustle and bustle of the world , I would also want to earn from it. Since, as I've mentioned before half of my 24 hours is spent on the net, being productive and spend that time wisely is the way to go.

I'm searching for topics that are "blog" worthy something interesting, that I myself will enjoy reading. I blog about my life once in awhile. But I'd want something that would interest the public and eventually gain my blog more traffic and Advertisers will be enthusiastic as well.

Suggestions, Comments, Questions will be greatly appreciated. Just leave a comment or send me an e-mail at zucchero.me@gmail.com .

COLORGENICS

"You have always been on the move seeking affectionate, satisfying and harmonious relationships. Your ultimate goal has been the realization of an intimate union in which there could be love, self-sacrifice and mutual trust. It has often been said that 'True love is just around the corner' and - if you haven't found it as yet - you possibly soon will.

All of your dreams and hopes have not materialized and consequently you are unsure of which way to go. This uncertainty has led to considerable stress but you have sufficient 'strength of mind' to overcome this state of affairs although it will take some time.

The way things are, you feel that you are stuck in a rut and there is not much you can do about it. You feel frustrated and inhibited but if you can find a way to let yourself go, you may find that things aren't quite so bad as perhaps you thought they were. One consolation is that since you are an extremely emotional individual, with the right person you may be able to release some of that frustration and tension with some mutual tender loving care.

You are an emotional, sincere and impressionable individual experiencing frustration and unnecessary stress. You are carried away by other people's enthusiasm and looking for that idealised relationship, be it in a business or personal situation, which you are able to share with a mutual depth of understanding. You have lowered your defenses in the past and you have been hurt, so you are now extremely wary of being exploited. You are still ready to trust people on the condition that they are prepared to offer you proof of their sincerity.

You are inclined to be too trusting and you feel that you need to be on your guard against the possibility that your endeavors and actions may be misunderstood. Too often you have been taken advantage of and you have been mentally abused. Now you are seeking a relationship which can provide peace of mind, where you can be yourself and not have the need to put on a false front. " - courtesy of http://www.paulgoldin.com/colorgenics.htm.

It's a site where they conduct a test, and the participant looks on a set of cubes with different colors then choose the colors that harmonious with each other. I posted my result because it's freaky true.

Every word, line speaks directly about how I really feel right now.

Click the line and enjoy. - http://www.paulgoldin.com/colorgenics.htm.

TEARS

Original posting date: August 5, 2007

TEARS
I just finished watching GRIDIRON GANG it's the usual feel good, inspirational movie.
The Rock - wrestler by profession and now an actor was very good with his performance. Tough but you can feel his sincerity well that's what you get for being a wrestler you act very well hahaha.

As I was saying the movie is just like any other inspirational movies you laugh, you get inspired, you cry. It's nice to cry once in awhile aside from helping it clean your eyes you will also feel a heavy burden being lifted off of you.

3 times I have cried this year first when some of my plans didn't materialize; working abroad and going back to school, second was when I finally realized that I'm loosing myself to a situation or to someone and third was this movie.

Wow 3 times hmm.. that's quite something. I am indeed getting old.
I have said it many times I'm not a cry baby. My tear ducts can be very very stubborn even with situations that I really need to cry, I don't. So when tears fell from my eyes that really means something.

Tears of dissapontment when I lost the opportunity to work abroad and go back to school. Ever since I was a kid I know that I am a free soul. I love to travel and someday deep in my heart and soul I know that will be able to fulfill my dreams of seeing the whole world but for now the world wide web and my books are my window to the world same with learning or going back to school.

Tears of sadness, letting go, pain all in one. It was hard letting go of someone that you've learned to love so much that you forget self-respect. It was very painful especially for someone like me who have'nt really been in a serious relationship or should I say have not fallen deeply in love with someone. As much as I don't want to be out of the context since I'm talking about tears I really feel that I should talk about it.

But I'd probably save it on my next post.
Last but I shouldnt say last though since its just AUGUST but let's just say 3rd time was after I watched the GRIDIRON movie I don't really dont know how it happened but it just happened tears just came rolling down my cheeks - my puffy cute cheeks I may say :D.

Maybe because I was watching it with my Mom and the movie showed the importance of having a mother by your side while growing up. I got great respect for my Mom now more than ever. We have had our difficult moments but I can say that she will be my bestfriend on top of every bestfriend that I will have in my entire life.

Now that I'm learning to cry I am looking to forward to more tears but I pray that it will be for happiness.
Peace out. :D

MY MAN

My Man...

He loves wearing white hanes shirt, shiny black boots, bootleg denim pants, nice wavy hair, nice lil eyes...

A tall, medium built, fair skinned man who flies airplanes.

Quiet, reserved, says excuse me,sorry, and thank you.

Very meticulous, he wants his cup of coffee with its matching saucer. He wants every meal to be fiesta .. one viand is not enough.

My first kiss.

My first hug.

He's the first man I adore and loves so much.

I'm excited to hear his car engines because I know that he's already home.

He calls me "tata", his tata and I call him daddy.

People say im his junior, I got his eyes, nose, even his thumb. I am stubborn, quiet, doenst like to repeat the words already said, tinkers with almost everything.

Some says that if you look like your father and you're a girl most prolly that means you're not pretty. But i beg to disagree :D.

Ding, as he's fondly called is a quiet man. I have a very few and collective memories of him, see dad and mom separated when I was 5 or 6 but that's a different story.

I never saw him after that, though I sometimes hear "adult talks' ( mom, her friends, or relatives talking) about him. Growing up I was never tease of not having a father, I don't feel jealous of kids who has fathers living with them.

Maybe because im not used to it or all along I knew that I already lost him so I never bother to find him or yearn for his company. Then one day after 10 years not seeing or hearing from him our path crossed . He was different, different than the pictures I have, different from the man on my birthday party betamax videos (1980's baby).

The very first question he asked me was " What do you want tata?" I was in 1st year college back then and i badly needed a new pair of glasses because my old one was broken and i was really planning to buy contact lenses.
Well, although im shy and all.. i said I want contact lenses. He bought me one, my first ever contact lenses.

I did'nt get to spend a lot of time with him after that. I only visit his house once in a while, I was busy with school and eventually work.
Then one day my brother broke the news that he was in a comma, doctor said that he needs to show improvement in 72 hours or else he's dead.

I dont know what to feel I just said yes to my brother told him that Im coming after work.
I went there saw my once strong,charming dad lying helplessly in bed very frail. Don't know how to react, I just stroke his wavy hair, whisper to his ears this words "Dad I love you, whatever it is i forgave you already, fight if you still want to, but if you want to rest so be it." His vital signs was starting to stabilize that time.

Sunday May 8, 2005 I went again with my mom and had the chance to kiss my dad on his forehead. Mom went kiss him and said in kapampanggan "I forgive you".
We left went to a department store because I needed to buy a new pair of shoes, while I was strolling looking for a nice pair a message came in to my phone saying that dad already succumb to death.

To be honest not a single tear feel from my eyes. I was actually asking myself why I'm not feeling anything. No pain, no regrets, no sorrows.
Are you angry with your dad was the usual question and I will promptly reply looking straight to the eyes of the person and say "NO". -- So I'm not angry with my dad so that's not the reason why I did'nt cry.
Maybe because we never get the chance to know each other better. Although his blood runs through my veins, my memories of him and the feelings I shared with him was too shallow.
I did'nt attend his funeral. Up to this moment I still haven't seen his burial place.
But I always pray for him.

======================================
To Dad.... I love you, I pray for you, someday my tear ducts will not be stubborn and tears will be shed for you.

I just want you to know that whatever it is that you have not been able to do for us, Heavenly Father already provided.

And I am not angry with you. I guess fate was good enough not to let us grow up with you because you will go so soon and we may not be able to cope up with it if we have grown so attach with you..

Dad wherever you are I hope you are happy and God bless you...
your Tata,
Sugar.

PROJECT: BF

I laughed at myself after typing the title of this post. It sounded so desperate hahahaha. On the contrary I think so far, looking at how I live my life this will be the last project I will finish.

I was not blessed with courage to commit in a serious relationship. I’m just not cutout for it (yet???).

On a lighter note I revisited my old website and found this post way back 2005. It’s funny but somehow true.

Monday, October 3, 2005

northboy -southboy

in between my training is the endless browsing and i chance upon this article by beautiful Bianca

ang north boy, kung gusto ka, liligawan ka.
ang south boy, hindi mo alam, nililigawan ka na pala.

ang north boy, crush siya ng barkada mo.
ang south boy, gustong makatambay ng barkada mo.

ang north boy, liligawan pati nanay mo.
ang south boy, babarkadahin ang nanay mo.

ang north boy, tahimik at polite kapag kasama ang pamilya mo.
ang south boy, makwento at masigla kapag kasama ang pamilya mo.

ang north boy, first date ninyo sa nakaka-impress na restaurant.
ang south boy, first date ninyo ay movie tapos coffee.

ang north boy, bongga magregalo.
ang south boy, simple pero meaningful ang ire-regalo.

ang north boy, sasama sa yo at sa barkada mo.
ang south boy, isasama ka sa barkada niya.

I grew up with southboys because im from parañaque. -saw some of my friends “diga” with girls.

At ang mga friends ko ay dominated by boys….pinalaki kasi ako ng mga barumbado, katok at cute na cute ko na mga Uncles - happens to be southboys too.

Now i’m starting to get acquainted with northboys. I get to hangout with them. Honestly I can’t see the difference. Doesnt matter if i end up with a southboy or a northboy. Southboys will always have a special place in my heart.

Well as for me I just want to continue with my other projects because I believe that project:bf requires decision coming from the heart, mind and with God’s blessing. I need to make sure that I’m ready to be in a relationship and be in one not because that’s everyone’s up to this days but because I know that my heart beats and mind decides.

They have something in common - I heart them both.

Atom for being the cool kid that he is way back 5 and up days.
Josh for being a so lovable and hunk.

I love their eyes and smile.. awww. GF's are so lucky to have them :)

PROJECT: 500,000

I’m trying to find ways to earn extra money and since almost half of my 24 hours is spent on the net I decided to spent my time wisely.

I’m not a greedy, hungry for moolah person. Earning 500,000 will ensure a safe and peaceful future for me, my family and for others as well.

The money will not be for buying material things, spent on luxurious vacations and etc.

It’s all for a good cause and I want to ” EARN” it and not ask nor beg for it.

I am a 23 year old single adult female who has a stable job and earns a little more than the basic pay.

This will be my project something that will drive me to go on with life and make things happen.

Feel free to suggest and share your business ideas. It will be greatly appreciated.